Cut, Cut Cut! Uncut Gems Gets Rated Kane

Do you know what’s hard to do? Write anything good about an Adam Sandler movie these days.  I can always try though! Funny People was actually pretty funny, but it was mostly Jonah Hill and Aubrey Plaza who made it as funny as it was. Hotel Transylvania was alright for a kids’ movie but only because I like movie monsters and it was directed by Gendy Tartakovsky (Samurai Jack & The Clone Wars). The Cobbler had a great concept as long as you don’t think it’s weird to turn into people whose shoes you wear because a magic machine fixed their shoes, but upon a second viewing, it can get filed under ‘G.’ That’s the best I can do but it’s more than I can say for Uncut Gems which is the latest gracious offering from everyone’s favorite…I struggle to think if he is anybody’s favorite anything anymore. 

Uncut Gems throws us right into the mix of a pretty intense world that just seems annoying to be in.  Sandler plays a jeweler and gambling addict who is constantly yelling and just reminded me of an angry Happy Gilmore without the humor and the golf…my 6:30 AM alarm is less annoying and it’s repeated 5 goddamn days a week.  I feel that after being in 60+ movies even his serious acting is just regurgitated versions of his comedic roles that he played 24 years ago. I’d love to see this “bad movie” the garbage making messiah has threatened the movie-going population with*.  Can you top Jack and Jill? because I really don’t think you can but try me “Chuck”.  *Adam Sandler threatened to make a movie “so bad” if he didn’t win an Oscar for Uncut Gems. Plot Twist: He didn’t. 

Lakeith Stanfield was the best actor in the movie but even he played an asshole in this flick. If ya’ wanna’ watch a good movie with Lakeith Stanfield watch Blindspotting and don’t waste your time on this pile of barf unless you’re into the riveting world of shitty people who can’t stop fucking their lives up by being morons. 

The Safdie Brothers are the two responsible for directing this anxious ridden thrill ride that took up 2 hours of my life…fuck, 2 hours and 15 minutes that I could have spent doing the dishes or even just tying and untying my shoes over and over…that’s about how much fun this movie was. Not only have I lost this time in my life but I am now angry myself because I’ve been yelled at for the better part of what started out to be a nice quiet evening at home. I would like to thank everyone involved personally because it’s not often that I want to mute the tv and just watch the people move their mouths. I guess there is something to be said for the cinematography. 

 The general consensus points to praise whereas I struggle to see why. Even watching Adam Sandler pummel The Weeknd wasn’t enough to wet my whistle and I’m not a fan of either of those clowns…I give this film a solid 1/10 which is more than I’d give Jack and Jill and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.