Los Angeles artist zzzahara releases “She Doesn’t Want Me To Exist,” the fourth single/video from their album, Distant Lands, out which is out today. Following last month’s “Speed Racer,” deemed both a “Song You Need to Know” by Rolling Stone and one of Pitchfork’s “Selects”, “She Doesn’t Want Me To Exist” is a bedroom pop cut that has its roots in romance, but quickly turned into something else.

The song was inspired by a recent instance of zzzahara running into someone they’d been seeing at the bar. “She pretended like she didn’t know me, and it tripped up these feelings of abandonment that I felt before,” they say. “It wasn’t so much her, maybe she was having an off day, but it triggered this inner shit that I need to work on. My mom left when I was 14, so [the song] is more about feeling rejected in life.”

“It’s pretty common for fathers to walk out of a child’s life. A mother? That feels less likely, but for some reason that wound hurts a whole lot differently,” continues zzzahara. “It’s hard to replace the warmth and effeminacy…when there is no parental figure to model that for you. This song is dedicated to anyone who grew up without softness.” The ending of “She Doesn’t Want Me To Exist” is an emotional display of teenage angst. The music video depicts a child who spends some time with his mom before she takes off. That abandonment wound manifests into his adult years and is a core memory that haunts him via relationship insecurity.