ZOMBIE

Somewhat of a departure from our modus operandi, but still apropos I think.  This time of year is when a very special radio station WFMU holds their annual pledge drive.  If you’re familiar with the station get off your butt and give up some cash.  They are, I think, the longest running independent, community-run radio station in the country, and at the very lease the oldest free-form station.  The station is funded solely from listener support, which allows them to run commercial-free and indulge in a lot of nonsense.  I recommend The Best Show on WFMU, Tale of the 12″ (which is a podcast only), and Airborne Event as entry points to all the goodness of WFMU.

Needless to say, I love WFMU.  Both well archived and always on with something interesting, the radio station is like the best parts of all the college and public radio stations all over the country.  But you don’t have to put up with Car Talk or some freshman trying to work the board and play three hours of garage rock from the 90s that you’ve already ingested ages ago.  No, WFMU plain and simple is just cooler than you are.  They’re in Jersey so they’re close enough to NYC to get out-of-towners in the studio.  There is an endless list of culturally important artists that appear on station, from Daniel Johnston to Patton Oswalt.

Now before you think, “Not everything can be cool about the station,” what I mean when I say that the station is cooler than you is that they have been a grassroots organization that has carefully balanced freedom of speech and democracy to ensure that their content is both representative of the individual DJs and their specific aims and goals within the context of a radio show and that those who wish to be heard over that radio station are given opportunity, access, and support to develop their goals and aims.

And they also have the Free Music Archive.  The idea is that because of the way publishing and the music industry in general is these days, a radio station that is sitting on the edge of extinction and being supported by listeners propping in up from the void might not always get to play some of the music that they do.  Granted, they do play very esoteric and underground music that they don’t have to pay to play, but they are a radio station.  And you’re going to have to pay to put on some ABBA.

So the brilliant solution to the problem of not being able to pay to play any of the music — or even if the situation were worse and WFMU could only pay for the electricity to keep them on the air and literally nothing more — there would still be the FMA.

The Archive is full of original content — live, recorded or found.  And it’s all free.  Royalty-free and free to download.  Their slogan “It’s not just free music, it’s good music.” is absolutely true.  In-studio performances by Yo La Tengo?  Check.  Interviews with pioneering artists like Morton Subotnick?  Check.  EPMD live at ATP?  Check.

And what’s more is that you can get yourself a little user account and make playlists.  For the big boys, you can also apply to be a curator and throw up your catalog should you actually own a record label.

And, speaking of which, we’ve made our way to a little gem on Happy Puppy:

Music for Vampires

Music For Vampires features eight artists and groups, each with their own unique interpretation on the subject of vampires. The only rule given to each participant was that the music remain instrumental (with a minor exception here and there), and the results are very reminiscent of scores and soundtracks.

Fittingly, starting out with a clock tower striking midnight and some spooky chords, the album holds very tight the instruction to make the results reminiscent of scores and soundtracks.  Mostly Jon Carpenter soundtracks, but I’m so down with that I’m… in… the… BASEMENT!

I hesitate to put too much thought into this review because, after all, the music is free to you.  Just go download it already.  It’s a soundtrack to an imaginary vampire movie.  What more do you need?  That’s an amazing thing to think about, let alone organize eight different tracks from eight different musicians.  And to help you along with the plot of your imaginary film, there is a nice story arc in the music and programming of the album.  Those bells starting out the album come from Nevermore Eleanor.  I would have preferred that no names or track titles be used, because they are all as hookey as that.  But the content is there.

There are stops at moonlit windowsills for quiet contemplation of an everlasting life in darkness.  Motorcycle punks doing doughnuts in mall parking lots biting pretzel stand hotties.  The hot breath of a vamp jutting into the stone hallway of a castle’s ruins as victims scramble to escape.  Fighting amongst the ranks of vamps, before a hasty retreat from sunrise and the survivors stuporing around in the morning light.  A hot dusty trail back into town.  Regrouping, explaining, and night falling again as the album ends with “Underground” by M. Patuluci, which would fit nicely on a Halloween sound effects CD.  But one with way more class than I’ve reviewed here.  Think of a CD with a cranberry velvet slip case.

Goodnight out there, whatever you are.

Thank you all for you patience, now back to the program.  Brought to you by Lipton Tea.  There’s no better way to insert the British idea of “Tea Time” into American culture then by suggesting during this radio drama that you enjoy the brisk taste of Lipton Tea.  Yes, that word “brisk” describes the horribleness of bitter tea straight from the mother country.  A brisk flavor that has its flavor profile rooted in the history of English trading routes and the East Indian spice market.  You see, in getting to and from India, sailors would actually sail down to the tip of Africa where their tea would dry out on the decks of pirate ships.  And by gum that brisk sun flavor would be scorched in by the time they had sailed back to England.  So enjoy Lipton Tea.  Enjoy the “brisk” flavor.  And now we return to our story…

Noah is a mild mannered, even tempered typist at the Campbell and Scotch offices.  We join him now at… the water cooler…

“…so I says to Mayble, I says… Oh, hold on. I’ll finish this later.  Well hello! Congratulations on the promotion. I say they might be shipping upwards of 3,000 additional copies of the magazine, what with all the superb pictures you’ve been taking.  So how’s the new desk treating you?  Yes, I do agree that a seat by the window can be a blessing.  New York does seem busier this time of year.  Ah, yes… And being that we are on the first floor, you might convince old Roberts at the hot dog stand to swing by with lunch, ha ha.  Yes, I know that it sounds like a crazy idea, someone getting their lunch from an open window. But anyway now, I saw you two talking this morning while I was getting the morning paper from Andy at the news stand.  Now just what were you two talking about?  I’ve never seen ol’ Roberts so terrified looking… Oh, you were talking about last night’s Old-Time Radio Hour?  Why yes, of course I heard it also.  You know, it being autumn, the children like to gather around the radio, light candles or hide under a blanket and listen in.  You know that one about two weeks ago with Vincent Price, oh what was it called… Uh, yes that’s right it was suspenseful, what with the intricate description of those rats and their neon red eyes and all…  Price is an amazing talent, and you know they bring out the heavy hitters when they have a good story to tell.  I tell you I almost dropped a deuce in my leather easy chair.  No, no… but the children were frightened properly.  It’s amazing those radio dramas.  They really draw you in.  I don’t mean those over produced ones, with all the sirens and tin cans clanging in the background.  They sound as if Varese himself was conducting.  No I mean ones like “Thing On the Fourble Board” or “The Shadow of Death,” you know.  Simple tales of suspense and supernatural events, with just the right amount of that creepy organ… yow!  That sound just chills me to the bone.  Oh… yes… “Three Skeleton Key.” That was the name of that one. Very nice.  You know, I don’t often listen to them, I tend to congregate my evening thoughts around the Hi-Fi… oh really now?  CBS is thinking of putting those radio-dramas out in long player format?  I should say that it might take till the late 1970′s to accomplish such a thing.  Ha!  You sure are right about that.  But no, as I was saying.. no, I don’t often listen to them.  I have the good fortune of picking the good ones though.  Now back to you and Roberts… just what the devil was so terrifying with last nights Old-Time Radio Hour?  I though Roberts looked as if he might have a heart attack!  I mean I was listening to it, but I should think that “Sunset Boulevard” would be nothing to lose your composure over… Yes, it is a very well composed story.  Oh, there was another after… no I didn’t hear that one… would you tell me about it?  But the short version… right Mr. Campbell doesn’t like the employees to have any fun.  Sorry, go ahead.  Yes… Uh… sounds interesting… what?… what are you doing… No! Stop!  What the fuck is a podcast?!  Put down! … No!  No!  …Ahhhh! …Put down that knife!  Where’s my gun?!”

Shit’s thick I reached for my tool. I wasn’t strapped, left my 9 in the car right next to the Jim hat. It’s my ass, better think fast real quick. I got a flashback (KiYAA!) from a Bruce Lee flick. Got in my stance (don’t lie).  Kay I broke for the door, tripped on some bullshit in the living room floor. Jay rushed me, I gabbed him, scooped him up in the yoke (awe shit). Kicked him in the nuts (that’s all she wrote). It was like Rapunzel (Rapunzel). Down came his hair (titties popped out). And there was ass everywhere (Jay a transvestite?). Not quite B, he was more like J to the A to the N to the E. (Don’t tell me you went out like a sucker.) Chill, took off that mustache. Grabbed that ass and I fucked her.

Peace, I’m Audi 5000.