Artist: She & Him
Song: “In the Sun” (from the upcoming album Volume 2)

I think this is the first time a video of Zooey Deschanel didn’t make me crush madly on her. She’s a lot less awkward when she stands around staring awkwardly. Indie indifference suits her better than twee pop joy.

ZOMBIE

Somewhat of a departure from our modus operandi, but still apropos I think.  This time of year is when a very special radio station WFMU holds their annual pledge drive.  If you’re familiar with the station get off your butt and give up some cash.  They are, I think, the longest running independent, community-run radio station in the country, and at the very lease the oldest free-form station.  The station is funded solely from listener support, which allows them to run commercial-free and indulge in a lot of nonsense.  I recommend The Best Show on WFMU, Tale of the 12″ (which is a podcast only), and Airborne Event as entry points to all the goodness of WFMU.

Needless to say, I love WFMU.  Both well archived and always on with something interesting, the radio station is like the best parts of all the college and public radio stations all over the country.  But you don’t have to put up with Car Talk or some freshman trying to work the board and play three hours of garage rock from the 90s that you’ve already ingested ages ago.  No, WFMU plain and simple is just cooler than you are.  They’re in Jersey so they’re close enough to NYC to get out-of-towners in the studio.  There is an endless list of culturally important artists that appear on station, from Daniel Johnston to Patton Oswalt.

Now before you think, “Not everything can be cool about the station,” what I mean when I say that the station is cooler than you is that they have been a grassroots organization that has carefully balanced freedom of speech and democracy to ensure that their content is both representative of the individual DJs and their specific aims and goals within the context of a radio show and that those who wish to be heard over that radio station are given opportunity, access, and support to develop their goals and aims.

And they also have the Free Music Archive.  The idea is that because of the way publishing and the music industry in general is these days, a radio station that is sitting on the edge of extinction and being supported by listeners propping in up from the void might not always get to play some of the music that they do.  Granted, they do play very esoteric and underground music that they don’t have to pay to play, but they are a radio station.  And you’re going to have to pay to put on some ABBA.

So the brilliant solution to the problem of not being able to pay to play any of the music — or even if the situation were worse and WFMU could only pay for the electricity to keep them on the air and literally nothing more — there would still be the FMA.

The Archive is full of original content — live, recorded or found.  And it’s all free.  Royalty-free and free to download.  Their slogan “It’s not just free music, it’s good music.” is absolutely true.  In-studio performances by Yo La Tengo?  Check.  Interviews with pioneering artists like Morton Subotnick?  Check.  EPMD live at ATP?  Check.

And what’s more is that you can get yourself a little user account and make playlists.  For the big boys, you can also apply to be a curator and throw up your catalog should you actually own a record label.

And, speaking of which, we’ve made our way to a little gem on Happy Puppy:

Music for Vampires

Music For Vampires features eight artists and groups, each with their own unique interpretation on the subject of vampires. The only rule given to each participant was that the music remain instrumental (with a minor exception here and there), and the results are very reminiscent of scores and soundtracks.

Fittingly, starting out with a clock tower striking midnight and some spooky chords, the album holds very tight the instruction to make the results reminiscent of scores and soundtracks.  Mostly Jon Carpenter soundtracks, but I’m so down with that I’m… in… the… BASEMENT!

I hesitate to put too much thought into this review because, after all, the music is free to you.  Just go download it already.  It’s a soundtrack to an imaginary vampire movie.  What more do you need?  That’s an amazing thing to think about, let alone organize eight different tracks from eight different musicians.  And to help you along with the plot of your imaginary film, there is a nice story arc in the music and programming of the album.  Those bells starting out the album come from Nevermore Eleanor.  I would have preferred that no names or track titles be used, because they are all as hookey as that.  But the content is there.

There are stops at moonlit windowsills for quiet contemplation of an everlasting life in darkness.  Motorcycle punks doing doughnuts in mall parking lots biting pretzel stand hotties.  The hot breath of a vamp jutting into the stone hallway of a castle’s ruins as victims scramble to escape.  Fighting amongst the ranks of vamps, before a hasty retreat from sunrise and the survivors stuporing around in the morning light.  A hot dusty trail back into town.  Regrouping, explaining, and night falling again as the album ends with “Underground” by M. Patuluci, which would fit nicely on a Halloween sound effects CD.  But one with way more class than I’ve reviewed here.  Think of a CD with a cranberry velvet slip case.

Goodnight out there, whatever you are.

R. Kelly is crazy. Crazy AWESOME.

Let’s focus, then, on his latest album, one that he was too lazy to name: Untitled. A few of the songs were slated for Twelve Play Fourth Quarter, the fourth album in his Twelve Play series, but when the album was scrapped, Kelly wrote a bunch of new hits and titled the album, well, Untitled. But let’s not let this be disheartening.

Since his inception, R. Kelly has built his career on a few different sub-genres of soul/r&b music: slow jams, club hits, inspirational gospel music, and ballads. His breakout album, 12Play, was a collection of the first: slow jams designed to inform the listener that he had twelve ways to pleasure a woman, featuring a song titled “I Like the Crotch On You.” From there on, he branched out, leaving us last with Double Up, a slightly bloated magnum opus that would have otherwise been one of the best albums of all time.

Despite a few clunkers with Nelly and Chamillionaire, we’ve got excellent narrative songs like “Same Girl” with Usher and “My Best Friend,” featuring Keyshia Cole Polow Da Don. Besides those, we’ve got the one-sided phone conversation YouTube sensation “Real Talk” and the super catchy club hits “I’m a Flirt,” preceded by the two best metaphorical slow jams with “Leave Your Name” and “The Zoo.”

So where does that leave us? The man is recently divorced, cleared of charges, and had a miniature breakdown about his fourth album in a series — he’s ready to let it all out.

One of Robert’s strengths has always been his ability to work very closely with extended metaphor, as well as his command of rhythm and melody. Well, metaphor is out the window on Untitled. We start the album with a song about having a great time, moving into a proposition to leave the club with him, and then a tune about having sex all day and all night long. Then we have two songs deeply devoted to performing oral sex on a lady, and we even have a song later on where R. Kelly flat out tells the girl that she can’t be his girlfriend or wife because he already has a special girl, but that he invites her to be his number two (“Be My #2″). Poop jokes aside, Kells isn’t playing around on Untitled. We are treated, however, to “Number One,” a comparison of having sex being like recording a number one hit single. This isn’t really metaphor though, since the song is mostly about them explicitly having sex, and the radio references don’t go far past the radio announcer dropping in on the chorus to proclaim “THIS IS NUMBER ONE.”

Still, this is undoubtedly a classic R. Kelly album, as the man always has his hands on the mixing board in the studio, and his trademark vocal lines and unconventionally rhythmic beats are as strong as they’ve ever been. The best example of this is “Exit,” a song with a plunking piano walk that dominates the melody. But while he follows it when it pops in and out, Kells lets his main vocal lines hop octaves in a technical vocal trapeze act. The quality of the music is at it’s peak: Kelly has never put out an album this tight in melody and production.

But is that what this column is really about?

Nope. We want to address how a man so skilled can be so batshit insane. The Gray Area we’re going to explore is in between the tribute to the Virgina Tech shootings on Double Up called “Rise Up” and the song simply titled “Bangin’ the Headboard” from Untitled. Or maybe how the man who recorded “I Believe I Can Fly” went on to previously mentioned “Be My #2.”

No matter what the subject of his music, there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that R. Kelly is one hundred percent committed and serious about every song he’s ever recorded. How is this possible? Doesn’t anybody have a filter that keeps them from going all the way off the deep end?

“Hold on, Robert — maybe not everybody would appreciate the fact that you’re telling them that you would never date them but would enjoy their company as a mistress. You should reconsider the song concept, even though it does represent your honest desires, and maybe find something more respectful of women and commercially viable.”

Nope, doesn’t exist. And that’s why R. Kelly is the only honest true artist out in the world today. He’s never secretive or repressed. He ends “Be My #2″ with a chorus of “All you hatin’ motherfuckers” before repeating the word “slap” about three or four times. How does this man sit in the recording studio and say “You know what? I’m going to call out those haters and then let them know that I would slap them” and have the co-producer or engineer think, “Yeah, that’s the way to end the song.”

Who knows? Maybe you just don’t argue with R. Kelly. But at least the American public knows what we’re getting into, and there’s no sense that we’ve been led down the rabbit hole dishonestly.

Gray Area Score: Is Patron gray? I know he sings about it a lot. I think maybe it’s silver. Oh well.

Original photo by Andrew Steinmetz

Kasabian: Perhaps the best band Britain has to offer?

Everyone knows my views on prize-giving ceremonies but even I couldn’t help being pleasantly surprised to see Kasabian scoop best album at this year’s NME Awards for their extraordinary third LP West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum. A huge creative leap from the leaden glam-rock of 2006’s sophomore effort Empire, it’s a staggering blast of the very finest Britrock.

From the opening salvo of lead track “Happiness,” West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum is an unrelenting barrage of white hot indie-dance that draws inspiration from all ends of the UK’s diverse rock pantheon. From the Deep Purple-esque hard-rock of “Fast Fuse” to the swirling Primal Scream-drenched balladry of “Happiness,” it’s one of the most exciting records I’ve heard in years.
From humble origins in the pubs and clubs of Leicestershire, Kasabian have confidently manoeuvred into position at the very top of the Britain’s rock ‘n’ roll tree. Filling the void left by Oasis when the band unceremoniously imploded amid a flurry of backstage fisticuffs, Kasabian are all but as the Gallagher brothers’ true successors.

In Tom Meighan Kasabian possess one of the most charismatic front men since Liam in his mid-nineties pomp and in guitarist Serge Pizzorno a creative driving force of immeasurable talent. With their fingers firmly pressed against the country’s cultural pulse the band are on the cusp of genuine greatness. Let’s hope they make it. It’ll be thoroughly deserved.

Original image by wonker.

LTJ Bukem

AMEN

Back into the Juno catalog, just about finished with the Bs. The sands of Juno are ever shifting, so my new strategy is to actually go through one letter at a time, instead of looking at the whole catalog. Hopefully I won’t miss as much of the new stuff as the changing stock list pushes or pulls records in their position in the catalog with this new strategy. And speaking of new stuff…

Loads of new albums coming out this spring. On Hyperdub, Ikonika’s debut long player, the mighty ASC with the first album on the impressive NonPlus+ label, and Fly Lo comes back to Warp with a new album and headlines MAH’s stage @ the Sonar festival with a live PA gig. It’s always sort of a naive thing to say that this year will be a big year for music, but any fan of underground electronic music would be excited about any of those albums. Let’s hope that the album will continue to be a viable format for electronic artists.

Speaking of which, our rogue scientists are brewing a special head to head edition of Amen to Zombie. Phace + Misanthrop have just put out From Deep Space and Noisia will be soon releasing Split the Atom. Both collectives are well regarded as at the forefront of d&b and both albums I think will be amazing. A perfect chance to talk endlessly about d&b and pit two new albums against each other for no reason other than useless analysis.

And now a segue way to something useless and this week’s recommended releases. Brother’s release on In:Fluence on this page of releases. I’m into In:Fluence, but this one is weak and kind of a let down as far as the rest of the catalog goes. The samples were just misplaced in the tune. Meaning that the note of the bass and the key or note of the samples were just a bit off, or re-tuned with some program so that they matched. Just sounds a bit off. Moving on…

Notable Releases:

BTK & Jumpat/Proktah & Sleeper Cell – Funky Monkey/Resurrection

Hucking fell! Serious rolling bass on this one. Just saw a full release on Cyanide Records, but it’s been around on promo for a while. “Funky Monkey” is where the action is at. “Resurrection” is pedestrian, and I’m not entirely sure of what is being resurrected with the tune. Ed Rush & Optical released an album just last year, and “Resurrection” sounds a lot like their sound. More of a tip of the hat though, right? “Funky Monkey” has got skitty little bongo work, a punchy bass drum, and sub-bass like a fucking bridge cable slowly swinging in a hurricane. Heavy.

LTJ Bukem

Not so much as one release that is important, but really the name and the sound behind it is epicly important to the art of d&b. For now we are limited to the releases.

This one makes me chuckle for a number of reasons; probably not the ones you’re thinking of, though. First, Bukem is not the artist’s last name, its Williamson. Daniel Williamson to be exact, AKA LTJ Bukem. There’s quite a bit of info on him on Wikipedia; not sure if it’s all true but it sure is entertaining:

The name “LTJ Bukem” is a contraction of “El DJ Book ‘em”, a nod to the Spanish for “The DJ”. “Book’em” (or “Book’em Danno”) is the well-known catchphrase by Steve McGarret, Senior Officer to “Danny Williams” on the television series Hawaii Five-O. Together we get “Ltj Bukem”.

You can catch up on the history of LTJ there if you like. To be sure, LTJ is a very key player in d&b’s rise to popularity in the late 90’s early 00’s. I used to see his Progression Sessions mixed CDs right next to Under The Table and Dreaming back at university in friends’ dorm rooms. By the time I got to exploring them I was well into the more moody, dark corners of d&b so I wasn’t ready for the jazzy spacey style that got dubbed “intelligent” d&b.

The second reason this patch of records in Juno makes me laugh requires some listening, so I’ll set it up.

First, get your headphones all set up and listen to this, with your eyes closed. You know it’s a LTJ Bukem track but no peeking at the ID.

Next, listen to that, again with your eyes closed.

Now admittedly the first mp3 is a bit tinny, but the task now is to guess what year they were produced in. If you have no timeline or frame of reference for d&b, then this will serve as a history lesson. If you do then I hope not only to illustrate how consistent LTJ has been, but also how vital he still is.

Ready for the answers?

Okay, so the first is a tuned called “Demon’s Theme,” produced in 1992. An absolute classic tune, bridging the gap between hardcore, acid, and jazz and, in a lot of ways, forging the template for one of d&b’s many sub-genres. LTJ also deserves credit for his production values. If you do listen to a lot of electronic music, it may sound dated to you due to the sounds and samples used. But it was built in ‘92, when squelching 303s were still the norm. To even be able to listen to something so underground from that time today is a major feat. And “Demon’s Theme” has stood the test of time in my opinion.

The second is a tune called “Switch” that was built in ‘08. I hope you can see the thread between the two tunes. I think this tune sits well with some of the experimental corners of d&b being championed by Sabre and Consequence and other “minimal” d&b producers. I think “Demon’s Theme” would also sit well in said set.

Both tunes I think can be flagged for, in some ways, borrowing jazz sounds and samples and not really engaging in the formal rules or improvisation of jazz. But it is still supposed to be raving music, and I think to a certain extent you can draw lines from many of the drummers on Electric Miles era records to some of the drum patterns used in d&b. And if your hang up is that it’s a bit carpetbagging, LTJ can boast remix credits for Herbie Hancock as well as Jodeci. That’s enough street cred and pop cultural cache for me. The flip to the “Switch” 12″ is “Drum Tools.” That’s a pretty badass break work out a la drum funk style.

But buyer beware! The Progression Sessions DJ mixes are hit-or-miss. In a bit of marketing genius, they have come with two discs. One mix is with an MC, usually Conrad. I’m not one for MCs mucking up my groove with shitty lyrics, so I go straight to the second CD which is just of the mix. When I picked up the very first Progression Sessions and listened to the straight mixed CD I was astounded at how badly such great tunes could be mixed together. LTJ absolutely makes some very listenable d&b. I haven’t checked up on his DJing skills lately, but as long as he’s not an absolute train wreck the way Mampi Swift still is you’re alright. I think you’re also safe just as long as you don’t look too close at the track lengths and how they balloon for no reason and stress the idea that a DJ is an editor. Which could be a long discussion, paradoxically.

So it goes.

Photo above by nsdesigns.

This post is not about this man, sadly.

I had a brilliant idea in the shower two days ago. I’d write my next Gray Area column about R. Kelly. Robert Kelly, a true American musical genius and auteur. But a lot of you have a hard time taking that man’s work as seriously as he does, and I don’t think you’re ready to write an honest, critical analysis of his work.

So instead, we’re going to chat about Canadian hucksters Fucked Up. Equal parts Pixies, Jethro Tull, and Minor Threat, the band cuts their roots as an 80s hardcore band, but it’s fairly clear from the get-go that their riffing is a bit too soft, their intentions a bit too grand, and their output a bit too well orchestrated. We’re talking about a band here who staged the longest concert ever in Times Square, trashed MTV Canada twice just because they could, and has put hidden grooves in some of their numerous seven-inch singles. It’s hard to really try and pin down their true intentions, or their true musical direction.

The band released countless seven-inches throughout the aughts, and then with Hidden World in 2006 they simultaneously started experimenting with drawn out intros and wore out their hard riffing as a way of life. In 2008, Chemistry of Common Life expanded even further into non-traditional hardcore structures, seeing the band up their chops and expand their horizons won them the Polaris music prize in Canada.

But what we should really be talking bout is their seminal eighteen minute track “Year of the Pig,” from the twelve-inch single of the same name. It starts with a jaunty 3/4 walking bass line and soft drumming, and builds on itself with actual singing (from a lady no doubt!) and expansive piano playing in a classic sense. As it builds and Pink Eyes’ vocals come in, the song changes course and ends up with an extremely sophisticated section in the middle where the drums are playing in a different time signature as the bass, pushing the notion of polyrhythms just about as far as Yes took them. Essentially, everyone’s favorite hardcore band of the past six years went full on prog rock and managed to not alienate their fans.

Now, not everyone might recognize this brand of prog, since Minor Threat fans tend not to be sympathetic to Ian Anderson, his flute, or his tights, but let’s face it: “Year of the Pig” would fit nicely on anything between Minstrel in the Gallery to Heavy Horses. Substitute 80s hardcore riffs for Jethro Tull’s early heavy blues metal riffs, and voila.

I’m not entirely sure what this means for the future of hardcore. There’s been a handful of throwback bands lately, but there always seems to be some sort of progression into other genres. Hell, the new Blacklisted sounds exactly like Nirvana. Ultimately, I think the love and respect that Fucked Up has for music is what helps them pull the whole thing off. If you read any interview with the band, they’re all vinyl nerds who listen to a lot of music all of the time. And while superfans don’t always become the best artists, there’s an attention to detail that helps them craft authentic songs. It works for Patton Oswalt in comedy, and it works for Fucked Up in hardcore.

Gray Area Score: Concrete

Artist: Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra
Song: “I Built Myself a Metal Bird” (from the album Kollaps Tradixionales)

It’s not too often bands use a live version of a song for their video. An interesting choice that works fairly well. Not sure why the audience is so grumpy though.

Kollaps Tradixionales came out last week and is, perhaps, the band’s best work to date. Much like this video, there’s a much clearer punk ethic involved that wasn’t as evident on previous works.

Kind of makes a guy a little less upset about Godspeed You! Black Emperor not being around any more.

ZOMBIE

Here’s two words that you might not expect to see on the same insert of a CD jewel: “Famous” and “Horrors.”  This week’s redux of otherworldly transmissions highlights one in the Drew’s Famous series of Halloween recordings.

A little ribbing is in order here.  From the Drew’s Famous website:

Drew’s Entertainment is a unique and exciting company that was started in 1994 with one crazy idea.

When people plan parties in their home they focus on the guest list, invitations and food and often treat the music as secondary. But how often have each of us said that “if the music is good, then the party will be good?”

Hiring a DJ or a band can be either too expensive or time consuming for most people. Drew’s Entertainment solved the problem by creating compilations of the greatest party songs of all time and placed them in party and other specialty retailers nationwide where they could be easily accessed by a broad range of consumers.

Now you may or may not have seen these discs sitting on the shelves of party supply stores or at Odd Lots around the country, donning the “Drew’s Famous” logo, and know that Drew’s offers titles like “Puppy Party Music” and “MILF 2″  as part of its music catalog.  And maybe you’ve even picked one up and gave it a spin, and realized how otherworldly bad they are.  If so, I don’t need to talk up their Halloween section and how just slightly off the ideas conveyed on each disc are and make them a treat to listen to.  But then again, this blog is sort of for the uninitiated.  So let’s clear a few things up about the above statements from Drew.  And yes there is a Drew.

Essentially the “crazy idea” that Drew came up with is to pillage the public domain for easily recognizable tunes and open up a studio that would employ musicians to essentially try to come as close to breaking likeness rights as is humanly possible with out actually breaking any laws.  Throw in a couple of actually licensed tunes and you got yourself something like KidsBop that National Lampoon’s produced.  And when I say a couple, I mean compared to the entire Drew’s Famous line of CDs available, there probably 10 CDs that have “Lime in the Coconut”  and “The Electric Slide” on them.  But Drew takes it to the next level by basically trying to make a crappy knock-off of a mix tape for every situation imaginable. Yes, there is actually a CD for sale that is called “MILF 2.”

I highly recommend you go to the website and have a look at all of the Drew’s catalogs.  There is actually a catalog dedicated to those little action figures you put in water and they grow into squishy bigger messes of themselves.

Now some of you might take issue with the beginning of the 3rd paragraph in the above quoted material from Drew’s.  This being a music magazine I would hope that our readers would prefer a flesh and blood DJ to a CD player.  But before you get all high and mighty, ask yourself one question: Would your band want to play an “Over-the-Hill, Hawaiian Luau” party?  If you said yes, they I’m going to say that you’re being cynical.  Cynicism is over; Conan said so, so get the fuck off of my blog and head on over to the Cobert Report with the rest of the douches.  Either that or you may have considered the possibility that the party might be for Pee Pop, in which case it would be a fun thing for your band to play your best Garage Polka.  But I’d venture a guess that Pee Pop would just assume listen to a CD after you played like 3 songs.  Just long enough to be proud of you and your shitty Garage Polka band.  This is where Drew can fill the gap.

Now as you read down the rest of that blurb it might also strike you as odd that Drew would consider providing the music for a party a “problem.”  Most of the time the trouble is fending off your friends from the stereo or kicking them off stage to usher on the next band or DJ.  This just illustrates how warped the entire catalog is.  In some sort of modern or utilitarian way these discs are going to try and cover you for every situation.  And yes, these are some sort of mutant low-rent version of those NOW CDs you’ve see at sorority parties, but the strange corners of the company are that much more.  Thus we have this time around:

Drew’s Famous Haunted House Horrors

Produced in 3D sound technology

This CD contains the ultimate collection of Halloween terror Created at the Skyroom studio by the world renowned special effects guru, David Musial, utilizing today’s leading 3D technology, “Q Sound.”  The music will surround you and create a virtual haunted house in your home.  If you want to spook the trick or treaters, haunt your house and make this Halloween the scariest ever, then dare to dim the lights and turn on “Drew’s Famous Haunted House Horrors.”  HAVE A GREAT PARTY! thank you – Drew

Couple of things about that, right?  Wow, I feel like I’m never going to get to the CD, which is great, but there’s so much more surrounding the actual recording that’s both jaw-dropping and gut-busting.  Returning now, so no I have no idea what Q Sound is.  But if you were to guess unnecessary panning you would be half correct.  There are a lot of monsters skulking from left to right here.  But to be fair there is also a very “big” sound on the CD as well.  Meaning that it was properly mastered.  However, at the suggestion of the back of the CD, you should play it for trick-or-treaters which, unless you’re a weirdo, usually stay on the outside of your home at Halloween time.  I haven’t tried to play the CD outdoors but if this Q Sound could somehow make it sound like haunted chains were rattling from across the street and the trees were filled with shrieking witches, I would be all in.

Another funny thing is that the “thank you” that Drew is responsible for is trademarked.  Don’t be messing with Drew’s Famous thank-yous, which sounds even creepier than this CD.

On the CD you’ll find a very nice selection of “scenes”  commonly found on these types of CDs.  Zombie attacks, chainsaw massacres, people writhing in hell, stuff going on in the graveyard.  All very standard fare, but again it’s got that very nice studio sound to it.  There is also very creative use of the “water in a huge dish” effect you know you love doing when washing dishes.  If it were not for Drew hyping sound gurus that no one has a clue about, I would go so far as to say that Drew could be a contender for the modern day Disney Records in terms of quality Halloween recordings.

The highlight of the entire disc is a track called “I’m Going to Get You” and I’ve never heard anything like it.  At its core the track is about four minutes of a robot gone Terminator on you that keeps telling you to “stop running” in an 8-bit vocoder voice.  There other strange servos whirling around as the robot slowing tries to kill you.  But the brilliant thing is that the track is otherwise unadorned by background music.  No whistling wind, no dripping blood, just the slow clomp of a robot trying to kill you.  It’s well worth the price of admission alone for that track.

We’re more than six months away from Halloween, so we’ll probably be revisiting some of the other offerings from Drew’s Halloween catalog. There’s a section that is called “Value Assortment” that look just about right for my tastes.  But for now, “I’m going to get you!”

Goodnight out there, whatever you are.

I didn’t even bother to watch The Brits last night. If you read my rant about the NME Awards last week then you’ll have a pretty good idea why. The UK’s answer to The Grammys has long lost its lustre. Gone are the days when Oasis famously baited INXS front man Michael Hutchence and socialist indie outfit Chumbawumba drenched Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott. Nowadays, it resembles the long-defunct Smash Hits Pole Winners Party; little more than an excuse to celebrate the commercial big-hitters in UK pop and not much else.

What other self respecting awards ceremony would allow Robbie Williams the dubious honour of accepting an Outstanding Contribution Award? I’m still struggling to work out what the king of mediocrity’s supposed outstanding contribution to British music actually is. He’s made a lot of money for himself and for his record label but, a handful of singles aside, he’s released little of any artistic worth since his days with Take That. So, it seems, The Brits has had its day. When nauseating US warbler Lady Gaga can get her hands on three of the once-coveted statuettes you can’t argue anything else, can you?

Here’s a rundown of all the winners:

• British Female Solo Artist: Florence & The Machine
• British Male Solo Artist: Dizzee Rascal
• British Breakthrough Act: JLS
• British Group: Kasabian
• Mastercard British Album: Florence & The Machine – Lungs
• British Single: JLS – “Beat Again”
• Critics’ Choice: Ellie Goulding
• Brits Album of 30 Years: Oasis – (What’s The Story) Morning Glory
• The Brits Hits 30: The Spice Girls – “Wannabe”/ “Who Do You Think You Are?”
• International Female Solo Artist: Lady Gaga
• International Male Solo Artist: Jay-Z
• International Album: Lady Gaga – The Fame
• International Breakthrough Act: Lady Gaga
• Outstanding Contribution Award: Robbie Williams

Artist: Eluvium
Song: “The Motion Makes Me Last” (from the album Similes)

Eluvium is known for his signature ambient drones and soundtrack-esque climactic instrumentals. Similes is his first foray into using vocals and percussion in his music and, if you ask me, it’s working for him. Paired up with a crisp, single-shot, panning landscape of his hometown of Portland, Oregon, it makes for a few sublime minutes.

You can stream Similes online at NPR this week. The full length will be in stores next Tuesday, February 23.